|Monday, February 25th, 2008|
1 part rubbin'
2 parts balls
add sour mix for more friction
|Wednesday, February 13th, 2008|
Okay, so it is not that I love making polls. I simply love gathering information and placing it in a box filled with magic and electricity. No, I'm not talking about a computer.
I'm talking about a microwave oven.
I wish there was an "Information" preset hot key that would weigh the information placed on the rotating dish and defrost it accordingly. Ah, science.
OMG I looooove making polls. They are so awesome! How else can you find out what the LJers are thinking? Just wait until they see my next poll!
|Wednesday, January 9th, 2008|
I have many desires. Most of them are pure and fitting for public discussion, even when there are children present. I am a good boy. Most of the time. I am not all that fancy of a fellow and my mind is locked in merely one reality-tunnel. However...
...I desire, at this moment, to gnaw on a black woman's ass like a suckling pig. Get up in that shit and eat my way to freedom. Tear through skin, muscle and bone until the ass-soul becomes clear.
For reals, ya'll.
|Thursday, December 6th, 2007|
I wish the jews would stop sending their golems at me. Warding them off is tiring work.
|Wednesday, November 28th, 2007|
I want/need a hand-full of pussy juice.
|Thursday, November 15th, 2007|
In order to prepare myself for the move...
How will I be killed in OTR? (check all that apply)
Asphixiated while masturbating
Choke on fish (or poisoned)
Exorcism gone bad
Demon summoned from black mass
|Thursday, November 8th, 2007|
Level 9 Atheists.
I can't decide which group of bandits I fear more.
Let's hope they never find out about one another.
|Wednesday, October 24th, 2007|
I have a terrible secret. It is true that I quit smoking, yes.
However, I now hide chaw under my nutsack and let the juices drip directly into my asshole.
Shhh...don't tell the internet.
|Thursday, October 18th, 2007|
Now that I have quit smoking I have had time to pick up hobbies I didn't have time for before. I began making my own cheeses. There really is nothing like the taste of a fresh home-made colby-jack cheese. Or a freshly pressed cheddar...
The landlord is pissed about the goat (fresh milk is best) but I just kicked her in the snatch and that was that. Time to go test my provolone body lotion.
|Thursday, September 27th, 2007|
I'm not sure if my feet are abnormal or my eyes are abnormal when viewing my feet. Perhaps my brain is abnormal in processing the information.
I just don't know about a lot of things anymore.
|Thursday, September 13th, 2007|
|Friday, August 24th, 2007|
my god, i forgot i existed! last night i saw Rocket Science with my girlfriend, who had obtained free tickets through nefarious means which shall not be spoken of. the movie had nothing to do with actual astrophysics. What a relief! I fucking hate space more than anything! I make exception for Space Balls, which shows how ridiculous people act when they think about space too often.
It's Friday and you know what that means: tomorrow is Saturday.
|Tuesday, June 26th, 2007|
i won't forget you, baby
I have dreams in which M*A*S*H* and The Cosby Show merge and become one glorious epic.
These dreams...I have them when I am awake.
|Friday, June 22nd, 2007|
I have already gone one day this summer without partaking in a juicy fresh slice of watermelon. This is wrong. I sought to correct my behavior upon waking this morning, only to see rain clouds and feel a chill wind in my bones. This is not watermelon weather. Patience, Fish, patience. We shall overcome.
|Monday, June 18th, 2007|
Now that school is out and my senior project is done I find myself with a lack of things to keep me busy. This is why I have decided to take up water polo. I am going shopping for a speedo tonight.
|Saturday, June 16th, 2007|
I can never be sure how I feel about dental floss. In this age of advanced toothbrush technology and high-powered mouthwash options, it is a struggle to believe that I truly must wiggle a piece of string around my gums.
More on this later (when I'm not blinded by such rage).
|Wednesday, June 13th, 2007|
things i have done today that were not to be known, but now must be...
It has been three weeks since I first shaved by beard...first time ever. I had such a soft, flowing mane of a beard (my mouth is like a lion's head...like every reggae band you've ever heard...). Now, it is gone. It will not return, despite my desperate pleas to the imam of my local village:
My beard does not know lonely like I know lonely.